Grateful For Small Victories
I miss the days when creativity flowed through me like a never-ending wellspring. I once had the ability to pick up any pencil, yarn or fabric and something fun and exciting would present itself. I didn’t really have to think about it. I didn’t really care if it was perfect, I just wanted to loose myself in the process of learning and the sheer joy of creation.
Nowadays I agonize over everything, what materials should I use, what colors, what pattern or reference and even where to begin at all. I overanalyze and internalize everything. Is this line crooked? Are these stitches too loose? Is anyone going to notice if I don’t finish these edges just right? I start and restart and change projects constantly, looking for something that will give me that sense of wonder, that joy that I love so much.
So I have to remind myself on a regular basis that all those things are not really the point. That sure, I want to make a living as an artist, but if I can’t create from my heart and let that flow into the process it won’t matter if I use the best materials or have perfect lines. That perfectionism is the reason why I shut down and don’t even want to create at all. It sucks the joy out of the the creation and leaves me only with the technical aspects. I know there are some people who only care about that part, but I’m not one of them.
I wish I had some magic solution that would stop my brain from worrying about everything, that would curb the desire to make everything I create perfect. But that’s not going to happen is it? As much as I want to believe in magic, I have to believe in myself more. So I continue to create, I continue to find things that inspire me and I continue to focus on what will bring me joy. Every time I finish a project I can count it as a small victory that, however flawed it is, I created it, I loved doing it, and I am proud to have put something wonderful into the world. And honestly, that legacy is all that really matters to me.
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